Saturday, September 10, 2005

The Healing Hot Dog

Can the power of hot dogs save lives? Scientists at the National Institutes of Health are working to make it happen. You all thought coffee had gotten a bad rap, we've been told hot dogs are lethal pork missiles...high in fat, calories, cholesterol, and sodium. But now, they believe the sodium nitrites in hot dogs can literally help treat deadly diseases.

How does it work? Sodium nitrites are what keep hot dogs from spoiling. So when you go to your local 7-11 and see those wieners being turned in those neat little ovens, you can pretty much bet that sodium nitrites have kept those 'dogs fresh for a few days.

Doctors have discovered that the sodium nitrites guard tissues when they are depleted of oxygen. For example, if someone has a heart attack and his arteries are cleared by a surgeon, heart tissue will remain to die afterwards. The nitrite interrupts that occurrence, dilates blood vessels, and essentially protects the heart tissue.

Utilizing sodium nitrites could help patients suffering from sickle cell anemia, heart attacks, brain aneurysms, and pulmonary hypertension.

Scientists are working on finding a pharmaceutical company to create what would be a really inexpensive drug. Trials on mice, dogs, and monkeys have yielded very favorable results. Human volunteers are now being injected with the hot dog preservative (pictured right).

That's amazing stuff.

I hope these same scientists can discover like treatments:

1)Pepperoni pizza will help cure lethargy
2)Cheese fries will cure allergies
3)Cheeseburgers will prevent migraines
4)Belgian waffles will stop hairloss
5)Fried chicken will prevent cavities and gingivitis

I figure, if they're able to show that hot dogs can save lives they can surely find links between my favorite bad foods and curing common ailments.

Hot dogs are a good start, so EAT UP and get 'yo sodium nitrite freak on!


DLAK said...

LOL, a clasic. I hope they find something good about whisky and cigars cause I just might live forever.

dom said...

LOL Diak, what about beer & McDonalds?
Heck we should include anything that's yummy and non-nutritious!

The Phoenix said...

There is that story of the lady that ate off the McDonald's menu and lost a bunch of weight. Sort of the "anti-Supersize Me."

intheloop said...

ummmm hotdogs..
I guess the best test subjects would be those people that have eating contest all the time. Those guys kick back 100 or 200 dogs in a sitting.

The Phoenix said...


And I bet afterwards, those people kick out a lot of hot dog poop in a sitting.

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