Wednesday, September 7, 2005

Robo-Dog Replaces Richard Simmons

Sony's little robotic dog, Aibo, will do more than simply entertain the kiddos, if several MIT geniuses have their way. Lead by the world renowed expert on Artificial Intelligence, Cynthia Breazeal(pictured left), this new robo-pup will actually help people stick with their diet and exercise regimen. They plan on unveiling the protype later this week in Tokyo.

Here's how Aibo, the diet-Nazi-canine, will work:

The robotic dog will be hooked up wirelessly to the owner's pedometer, digital bathroom scale, and electronic diet diary via PDA. Aibo will then analyze all the data and keep the owner updated with his/her progress. The owner could even ask, "How am I doing?" and the robo-dog will respond in one of the following ways, depending on the dieter's efforts:

1)Jump up and down, tail will wag, happy music will be played, and his LED eyes will light up like fireworks

2)Move slowly, lethargicly, play funeral music

3)Run out the door, gather fellow ferral robotic canines into a robo-pack, and visciouly attack the owner for sucking down that brownie

Seriously, if that's all the robot dog will do, is that enough?Act happy if the dieter sticks to it or act sad if the dieter cheats? I think maybe this robot dog would work for Japanese owners. For Americans, they're going to have to step it up a notch...or two.

Maybe Aibo could be equpimed with sensitive microphone sensors programmed to recognize the sound of the fridge opening after 10:00. The dieter goes to raid the fridge for a late night snack, Aibo is alerted by the sound and gives off an ear-piercing alarm. Maybe it could go for the ankle of our would-be cheater with robo-teeth.

How about having Aibo armed with a camera that detects movement...specifically programmed to recognize the body movements of a person exercising. If the owner stops too long for a breather or decides to cheat while Billy Blanks is still Tai-Bo-ing his brains out, Aibo will detect the lack of movement and intervene. I'm thinking maybe firing off laser guided bottle rockets or something at the owner's feet.

Here's the thing...will mixing a grumpy dieter with a robot dog really be a smart thing to do? I could see somebody whom has reduced their caloric intake a couple cheesburger's and ding-dong's worth suddenly go ballistic on the robot puppy. People do violent things when denied french fries...and I would not be surprised to find "disassembled" robo-dogs laying scattered on the floor of a stressed out dieter.

This really isn't far-fetched. French scientists ran experiments a couple years ago on how REAL dogs responded to the robot canine...and the results were not pretty. All was well until they put a piece of meat in the room. The real Fido ripped the crap out of Aibo. In fact, one scientist was recorded shrieking like a girl during the slaughter.

Could this robo-dog really help people lose weight? Maybe...but maybe the American model should have several self-defensive mechansims installed first. If it gets between Big Jimbo and his quarter-pounder with chesse super-sized meal, Aibo the robo-dog will end up Aibo the robo-dead.


Atomic Bombshell said...

"Aibo, the diet-Nazi-canine" - ROFL!

Anonymous said...

I think the only glaring difference between the Robo Dog and Richard Simmons would be the leg-humping. If you could teach the dog to do that, then it could replace Richard Simmons.

The Phoenix said...

I wonder how the Aibo would look with a 'fro and covered in glitter...hmmm...

Steve-O said...

That is funny stuff. I wouldnt let a robot dog tell me what to do.

Jillian said...

LOL Phoenix -- Yeah if he got in the way between our pal Jim and his McDonald's, there would be some serious shit going down. ;-)

sarah saad said...

شركة نقل عفش بالرياض وجدة والدمام والخبر والجبيل اولقطيف والاحساء والرياض وجدة ومكة المدينة المنورة والخرج والطائف وخميس مشيط وبجدة افضل شركة نقل عفش بجدة نعرضها مجموعة الفا لنقل العفش بمكة والخرج والقصيم والطائف وتبوك وخميس مشيط ونجران وجيزان وبريدة والمدينة المنورة وينبع افضل شركات نقل الاثاث بالجبيل والطائف وخميس مشيط وبريدة وعنيزو وابها ونجران المدينة وينبع تبوك والقصيم الخرج حفر الباطن والظهران
شركة نقل عفش بجدة
شركة نقل عفش بالمدينة المنورة

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