Friday, October 7, 2005

Is Fido Feeling Testy?

No, but apparently prosthetic dog testicles inventor Gregg Miller is! Literally.

Gregg Miller, the inventor of Neuticles, is the most recent recepient of the Ig Noble Prize. The Ig Noble Prize by the editors of the Annals of Improbable Research Magazine to honor those researchers making breakthroughs in the "offbeat" side of science and progress.

Miller, of Independence Missouri, first came up with the idea for prosthetic testicles for canines when it came time to neuter his Bloodhound, Buck. Miller was shocked when he learned that "the testicles are permanently removed when the pet is neutered- Buck would no longer be Buck!" I guess that'd make him buck-less. Miller worked with a team of vets and created the first CTI, or Canine Testicular Implant, and implaneted them on a Rotweiler named Max.

8 years later, and 150,000 new pairs of prosthetic balls later, the CTI Corporation is a success! There have been reports of NOT ONE single complication. And now Miller is the latest scientist/inventor to receive the Ig Noble Prize given out at Harvard University.

Obviously thousands of dogs and dog owners are incredibly happy with their new set of Neuticles. They help take away the trauma of being's like nothing was ever taken from them. Dogs can walk proudly with that familiar sagging between their legs...and their confidence with bitches is sky-high!

The Neuticles come in a variety of sizes and textures, to match your dog's orginial nuts. I guess you can even upgrade in size if you want. I wouldn't suggest putting a Great Dane's set on a Chihuahua. That's just plain cruel. Miller is now making prosthetic testicles for cats, horses, and bulls as well. You can buy the standard pair of Neuticles made of safe Polyprophylene. Or you could pay just a little extra for a set made of solid Silocone, Neuticles Natural. You can even get the Neuticles Ultra - silocone testicles with Scar Retard, formulated to prevent scarring. Brilliant!

How happy are dog owners with their new Neuticles? Check out some testimony below:

"I've put off neutering "Crooked Joe" for months and when I found out about Neuticles and spoke to them it made me feel better about neutering. Joe not only looks the same now- but dosen't know he's missing anything." Jeff Lane - Oak Park, Ill .

"He's a guy and I wanted him to remain looking like one."Lane Hinderman - Metairie, Louisiana.

"Frodo never knew he lost anything and is just a happier little dog since he's been neutered with Neuticles."Janell Suasser - San Lorenzo, CA.

The success of Neuticles and winning the Ig Nobel Prize is a dream come true for Gregg A. Miller. "Considering my parents thought I was an idiot when I was a kid, this is a great honor," he said. "I wish they were alive to see it." More than a decade ago, Miller had maxed out his credit cards and took out another mortgage on his home to bring the dream of Neuticles to bring solace to neutured animlas and animal lovers.

Dog owners all over the world are going nuts over it.


siren said...

If his parents had been alive, I'm not sure that they would have thought he was less of an idiot. He's just a rich one.

Great post :-)

Grafs said...

Now I'm sorry I didn't do that for my dog!

KC said...

I've heard that necessity is the mother of invention, but was this absolutely necessary?

Sherri said...

If they can do that for dogs, can you imagine what people would pay for this procedure to be done on them?! True story, my husband's boss has only one -you know what- due to a childhood injury. Someone could be cashing in on millions.

Pixie said...

Phoenix, where on earth do you find all this crazy shit!
More worrying is to why somebody would call their dog "Crooked Joe" I wonder what it was that was crooked about him :|

The Phoenix said...

Funny how I get all these comments from women concerning dog testicles.

Thanks to siren for pointing out I can't spell "prosthetic."

Many dog lovers will do anything for their best friends, I guess. Tupac Shakur had one testicle after he was shot in a robbery. Tupcac became One-pac.

Pixie, I noticed that "Crooked Joe" name too. I had to laugh outloud when I read that. It's almost as bad as naming your dog with prosthetic balls "Peanut."

the weirdgirl said...

I have to agree with Sherri. What's next? Testicular enhancement surgery? I know that "male enhancement" products are all over TV lately, but would a lot of men actually go for implants?

I know they say people resemble their pets, but that could get a little ridiculous!

Chicken Little said...

Love your new header!

thebluestbutterfly said...

Looking for your post on thought screen helmets that keep aliens from controlling your please.

Kay said...

Another girl chiming in...

I have a neutered boy dog who looks rather girly. Gets called "she" all the time. If I get a large set (for a 20lb dog) there would be no doubt...

The Phoenix said...

the link to that post is:
Enjoy! You can also find it in my September archives.

shawna, i think the jumbo balls sell for more than $80. Might be worth it, though. You can't put a price on machismo.

De.vile said...

Yeah, they make it for men too. Best friends were just always on their way to this.

DLAK said...

Good one Phoenix, My wife could use some of these, then she could give mine back.

penelope said...

Fruit rollups. Transformers.

ObilonKenobi said...

Wow. Now that's what I call news! I'm not sure if I care that much if my dog's balls are there or not, as long as he doesn't care. This is worse than Botox! What's next?

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