Sunday, October 9, 2005

Terrorist Assassin Singing Batman Dolphins

No, that's not the name of a new line of toys and animated CGI cartoon series.

It seems dolphins are making the headlines lately, and these are not just ANY ordinary dolphins. These are highly trained and skilled dolphins, mind you. They are trained by animal behaviorists and military experts.

The first story broke in the aftermath of Hurrican Katrina. There were a group of trained dolphins at some military compound near Lake Pontchartrain, Louisianna that apparently escaped. These Atlantic bottlenose dolphins were trained to locate mines, find underwater spies, and utilize toxic dart guns attached to their bodies to shoot terrorists!

The military refused to confirm missing any dolphins...but when a group of dolphins escaped the oceanarium in Mississippi then were captured by the Navy, they weren't released back to the oceanarium until after US Navy scientists examined them. Probably looking for dart gun harnesses maybe? If the dolphins are armed and on the loose, I hope the military finds them quick.

Leo Sheridan, retired government investigator, said, "'My concern is that they have learnt to shoot at divers in wetsuits who have simulated terrorists in exercises. If divers or windsurfers are mistaken for a spy or suicide bomber and if equipped with special harnesses carrying toxic darts, they could fire."

In related news, scientists have trained dolphins to sing the Batman T.V. theme song. The preceeding link actually has some sound files of the dolphins singing. This is a significant achievement because it is the very first time any other animal (outside of humans) have showed to be able to produce rhythm vocally. The findings will be presented at Acoustical Society of America and NOISE-CON 2005 next week.

How exactly did the scientists teach dolphins to sing "Na na na na na na na na na na Batmaaaan!"? They used simple reinforcement and association to train the dolphins to vocally reproduce a rhythm. They would play the Batman song using an underwater sound projector to get the dolphins to learn the song. The scientist would show the dolphin a Batman doll, and then would give a fish reward to the dolphin for singing the correct rhythm.

Do you get the feeling that maybe it's the dolphins that are training the scientists to give them more fish?

Although I find it fascinating that another mammal can learn and recreate rhythm vocally, I'm still not sure how this discovery is really important. Fore example, why teach them the Batman theme song? It's a really simple rhythm and melody. Now, if they taught the dolphins to sing the theme song to "Family Ties," I would be impressed. What would we do baby, without us? Sha na na na..."

How on Earth did these scientists even think of such an experiement? Maybe some of them have been inhaling their bunsen burners a little too long. I get the feeling a couple brilliant scientists came up with this research project while sitting around, smoking the wacky-tabbacky, playing Playstation 2, and trying to figure out a way to distract themselves from their overwhelming muchies.

Why can't we train a dolphin to do something useful...Like finding me a parking spot downtown? That would be very practical. How about training a dolphin to put up drywall? Or if you're going to stick with teaching a dolphin something useless, at least make it more entertaining. How about juggling? Sword swallowing? Belly dancing?

So we've got armed, dangerous, escapee dolphins AND singing dolphins in the Gulf region. I hope the singing ones don't get away too. Scientists have been quick to note that dolphins have been observed teaching other dolphins various skills.

If you hear about armed dolphins singing, "Batmaaaaaan," decending on some poor victims and shooting surfer dudes in the ass with toxic darts, at least you'll know how they came to be.

Ouch! Dude, what was that? Ugh...I'm feeling...sleepy.

1201 comments:

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DLAK said...

I wonder how much time Osama spends on a surf board. It seams like our defence money is being spent wisely so we can all sleep well tonight.

KC said...

Damn. Now I've got Batman stuck in my head. You've given me an earworm!

Dana said...

They should have taught them to sing the Jaws theme song. Then they can creep up on a diver, singing Jaws and them shoot them in the butt.

Wow, I didn't hear about any of this, but now I have to go look it up. Very interesting!

Grafs said...

I think it's too bad that they are training dolphins to attack. They are usually kind and helpful to humans. A case in point would be the dolphin who used to guide ships through the strait of Gibralter. He would always show up and swim right in front of their bows, guiding them safely through the treacherous waters. One day, a drunken sailor shot at the dolphin. The dolphin never showed up again, much to the distress of hundreds of sailors. As a side-note, the sailor was beaten by his crewmates for his crime. I always think of this story when I think of dolphins.

The Phoenix said...

Dolphins, as a whole, are very intelligent animals. However, they are not innately good animals.

There are plenty of reports about dolphins watching a person drown, playfully teasing the person. Even helping them momentarily and then swimming away.

I think giving dolphins weapons is crazy.

Ann Alsex said...

Maybe the singing dolphins can be used for a stage show at Seaworld?

Mark "The Marketing Professional" Brown said...

Hi Phoenix,

I am looking forward to your Stupid Criminals blog.

Thanks for the second post at "The
Marketing Professional"

As much as we comment on each others blogs would you consider
swapping links?

Mark

The Phoenix said...

Sure, no problem.

The more links the better.

ObilonKenobi said...

What a cool story! I had heard of scientists teaching dolphins to search for underwater objects like mines but to shoot darts and sing the Batman theme song? That's brilliant on the level of Dr. No or Dr. EVIL!!! I mean let's just strap laser beams to their heads. I don't know where you get these stories but keep 'em coming. And if you've read any of the Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy Books then it's even funnier! So long and thanks for all the fish.

David Amulet said...

Hey Kenobi, don't believe everything you read ... heheheh

Great post; you just keep 'em coming. A laugh a day (or close to that).

-- d.a.

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When you apply for these loans by filling out the3 month payday loans online application form ,Only your name, your monthly income call job description and even voter registration card in the UK and all these details are easy to name . So never feel uncomfortableand borrow payday loans 3 months now . There is a problem in getting payday loans for emergency 0.3 months are very useful that you can usefor the purpose of lending ease3 months salary , payday loans , 90 day payday loans , instant pay loans.There not stress these loans when they come to youquickly through the online mode. If you apply for these loans by filling out the online application , simply include your name , monthly income ;Job description andsame Voters UK map and all the details are easy to name . So never feel uncomfortable and borrow payday loans 3 months now . There is a problem incatch during an emergency situation.

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Kelly Martin said...

You have to qualify, and not everyone whopayday loans no credit check applies gets the Pell Grant. But there are other ways too.Getting is cosigner to sign a personal loan , a furtherOpportunity for students who are looking for loans without credit check student. This makes the cosigner for loan repayments responsible if you miss payments and do not do , theCredit conditions. This is a situation you definitely avoid because it is harmful to the credit of the cosigner so you must make sure that you are thereall payments to make until the loan is repaid. If you are currently not in education or employment, as long as you then have a residence readyTenant could be a possible method no credit check loans offer cash to almost any reason. There are lenders who specialize in loans for tenants, butthis no credit check loans s an option that many do not consider.

t just trying so many people , a place, seem to be simple and easy to find, to get loans . If you for an easy loan that you are looking forneed to understand that there really is not much difficult or complicated loans. All loans are loans that are simply based almost on the same idea : someoneLoan someone money with the consent , if the money will be refunded. The faster you pay the money back , the quicker and easier the loan will be. This isTherefore it is very important to obtain loans, you can easily repay . Live within your means , but if you borrowloans for People with bad credit less to borrow within your means. And check to see ifmany opportunities for you to find the interest rate , the lowest for your loan . Loans no credit check because the lenders do not examine your financial situation ,Lenders are the same left wide to open defaulting on the agreed repayment borrowers. For this reason, any type of loan is no credit check are usually associated withhuge interest . http://nocreditcheckloans4.co.uk/

jack kallis said...

Look on the best way to acquire something in this direction, to consolidate your debts so that you can keep your money in savings. Knowing differences between different types of bad credit loans, is extremely useful, too.

So in order to know what type of loan that best suits your bad credit loans UK, you need to know the differences between the different types of bad credit loans available. The first questions, if you can get bad credit loans arise are:

Can I have a bad credit loan with a credit score? Be how bad my credit? Different types of loans for bad credit have different requirements, there are loans that do not require credit checks, and therefore it does not matter how great your credit is included.
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jack kallis said...

After approval has been given for these loans, as a borrower, a loan that you can get for an amount of pound1 pound100, 500. You can use the Easy loans to fulfill any obligation of your choice. Pay your bills or clear your debts. It's your choice. For the refund, you will receive 14-30 days duration.

Loans for people on benefits are also available for bad credit borrowers are available. If you have credit problems such as missed easy payday loans, arrears, defaults , CCJ, IVA and bankruptcy , you can always ask on this own solutions.
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jack kallis said...

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To understand the same day payday loans for bad credit that how it feels when you dance a lot of unavoidable expenses all around you and block your smooth life.

The same day loans for payday loans for bad credit is the ideal solution for anyone in this kind of lack of funds at any point in his life , could go to formalities without , as it is free unlike some of them to other systems on the market.
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matthew thomas said...

http://www.mobilephonesss.co.uk/

Samsung mobile phones comes with every mobile phone much as deal samsung mobile phone contract , pay as you go deal , SIM free go and SIM Only deal etc. The networks that support these services , three , O2 , Virgin, Vodafone, Orange, etc. , and each case , there are many Perennial things are , as in the case of the contract , in which the user how to pay the mobile phone bills at the last month with a wonderful additions Free DVD player, laptop
free , free mobile phone accessories etc. So we will see some more samsung mobile phone deals wonders await Samsung mobile phones page and become part of the History of the largest ever brand homemade success. These mobile phones have emerged as complete sets . These mobile phones are available in the Market at very cheap if you for Samsung mobile phone deals , prices rise . These deals are easily available with several mobile shopping
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jack kallis said...

You shoulder stand own a current or saving account. Small loans You should be employed in individual and you should have decent monthly take home income.
You can easily apply for 6 month loans from any synthesis time and any corner of the world. All you need is a computer with internet connection. Bad credit payday loans You will have to fill out a simple form and submit it to the lenders site
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James Bairstow said...

If you do not mark the appropriate loans for bad credit, but the gloves give are less than perfect, not a legitimate act is if you then may be able to keep a balance for less instant loans or even personal loans online to get bankers. Of course bad credit loans.com pull recommends customers online in terms of personal loans.
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jack kallis said...

, it is suggested to go for to online mode of application. Today there are various websites did so provide you the information about lenders and thus help you in picking the best lender for your Fast loans . This way you save june Both your time and money from getting wasted in seeking unproductive search. 6 month loans
Fast quick loans for people on benefits are specially designed cash loans for Those Who Do not have a fixed job and are relying on benefits For their livelihood. http://www.quickloans6month.co.uk/

James Bairstow said...

The best advantage of quick loans no fax is that we are able to help borrow instant loans, even if you have bad credit profile. Your bad credit profile may be the result of arrears, defaults, IVA, CCJ etc. instant loans no faxing allow, however, one of these factors affect your chance to borrow money and to your needs immediately. In addition, if you repay the loan on time, your credit will be automatically updated, that will help you in future loans. In addition, easy loans no fax allows you to borrow instant unsecured loans also. So you are free from the burden of organizing security against borrowings.
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James Bairstow said...

Eligibility for borrowing quick loans is that you have a full time job or a regular source of income with a current bank account. You can borrow instant loans; even if you have bad credit because instant loans include no credit check and documentation do not have much. Thus, the basic criteria for use of instant loans are:

Interest quick loans for bad credit are higher than other types of loans in general, as it is very risky for the lender. Interest rate and the loan amount also depend on monthly income. However, the loan amount ranging from € 250 up to £ 1,000. Repayment of instant loans takes place when you receive your next paycheck.

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