Monday, December 12, 2005

The Science of Bats and Balls

A study by Dr. Scot Pitnick of Syracruse University has revealed that bats with bigger brains have smaller testicles than bats with small brains.

Isn't science fascinating?

Depending on any of the 300+ species of bats, testicle size in relation to total body weight varies. Testicles can comprise of .12% of body weight, up to a whopping 8.4% of body mass (yellow winged bat). How much wing power is needed to lug those cohones around? Ouch. In comparison, primate testicles only make up between .02% - .75% of total body mass.

Aren't you glad you're reading my blog today?

Here's what Dr. Pitnick (pictured left) and the others found: Bat species where the females were promiscuous, the males had evolved larger testes but had small brains. In species where the females were monogamous, the situation was reversed. Isn't that interesting? The bigger the nuggets, the smaller the noggins.

So why is this true?

Brain tissue and sexual organs require a lot of metabolic energy to produce and maintain. The different species appear to have evolved a preference for developing one organ more than the other, depending on which will help them produce more offspring. This does make sense. If the female is promiscuous, male bats will have to produce more sperm in order to compete with other male bats. It's one big competition to fertilize the female's egg. “And this may be especially true in some species of bats where the females store sperm for several months,” reports Dr. Pitnick.

So what about the monogamous bats? Pitnick and his colleagues had erroneously predicted that in a species with promiscuous females, males would require bigger brains in order avoid being cuckolded. They were surprised to find the opposite was true. Does having a bigger brain help the monogamous bat produce more offspring with his female companion? Maybe.

Perhaps being faithful just takes more brainpower.

This study is bad news for perhaps the smartest bat in the entire universe...

Holy tiny testicles, Batman!


Kay said...

So Batman is hot (where did you get that drawing?), but he has small balls. That is so going to mess with my mind.

Pixie said...

LOL poor Robin.heh

Jim said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

David Amulet said...

Curiosity is getting the best of me -- how many kids will visit your post after searching for ways to improve their baseball game?!?

I see you showing up on filters all over the country and getting hate mail from parents for exposing their children to such horrible influences as discussions of bat testicles. Don't let their lawsuits threaten you -- stand your ground! Defend every American's right to wax philosophic about bat balls!!

-- david

Jamie Dawn said...

Batman is a pretty smart guy, so I guess he must have tiny ones. That doesn't mean that he has a tiny you know what. But if he does, I hope he isn't falling for all the spam ads you so handily discredited in a previous post.

KC said...

I never thought Batman was hot until I saw that great pic. Will your next post be about spiders and their brains vs testicles? Then you could post a nude pic of Spidey. I'll be checking back.

Anhoni Patel said...

Ew. So...if a guy isn't getting any will his balls shrink? And where did you get that pornographic image of Batman!

Andrew said...

Oh dear!

Bruce said...

The question is...why the hell did this guy want to study the size of bat balls, and how much was the grant?

Kid Jacque said...

I think I will be keeping this information secret from my nephew who is totally gaga over batman.

I love the pic....

:P fuzzbox said...

To have the equivalent size testicles as a dumb bat, a man would have to have to lug around bowling balls in his bvd's. Thats a lot of juevos.

melly said...

I read this article too and had a good laugh. I never quite made the connection to Batman though...

Keshi said...

**Does having a bigger brain help the monogamous bat produce more offspring with his female companion?

lol I think one needs a bigger brain to stay faithful...imagine the divorce costs and stress! :)


Laurie said...

That explains a lot. Oh yeah.

delmer said...

It's not the size of the Bat-A-Rang that counts, it's the ...

... that's as far as I got with it. I wish I could say it's because I'm stupid and, thus, well endowed. But really, I'm just beat.

angel, jr. said...

My undergrad advisor was obssessed with bats. I think she had one in her office, I don't remember, cause I was always afraid to glance around. Just had her sign my schedule and got the hell out. Better yet, I would leave it in her mailbox and then pick it up from her secretary.

the weirdgirl said...

I want to know about the females... did the bats with the biggest mammaries have smaller brains, too? (Wait, do bats have mammaries?) Or what about the most fertile bats... or the smartest bats? Is is true that balls don't make passes at bats that wear glasses?

Haas said...

So technically Batman does not have the balls to get the job done... but has the brains for it (or viceversa)

ziggystardust73 said...

that is such a hot photo of batman. (and the post was pretty interesting too...)

DLAK said...

I was bit in the balls by a bat so I battered the bat in the balls with a bat then I cut it up into bat balls then I dipped the bat balls in batter.

The Phoenix said...

Robin has always been pretty dumb, always asking Batman stupid questions. So Robin probably needed to wear supportive superhero spankies.

Grafs said...

Well it doesn't take brains to screw, but it does take larger testicle volume to keep up with all the bat sluts.

Reiki said...

phoenix, that was a funny post. But like we didn't already know that about Batman...those tights don't hide much...

Josh said...

I'll never look at Adam West the same again.

cube said...

Bats, and all living creatures, are just DNA's way of making more DNA. It's all about spreading the genes.

BTW I won't ever look at Batman the same way again. Thanks ;-)

RT said...

I was enjoying that pic until Josh mentioned Adam West... Now I just want to gouge my eyeballs out.

Other than that, I suspect that Dr. Pitnick is only trying to defend his own small balls... And probably bat to boot.

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