Friday, January 20, 2006

WWMD...What Would Mongo Do?

Step off, Xenu, there's a new alien in town...and he lives among us. His name is Prince Mongo, from the planet Zambodia. Memphis might be 9 light years away from "home" for Prince Mongo, but the 333 year old 'savior' knows he's here on Earth to serve a purpose:

"I'm from another planet, there's no doubt about that," Mongo explains. "I'm here on a mission to save Earthlings, and I will in due time. The Earth is self-destructing and when the time comes I will save a few people and take them with me. People don't realize how much I've already saved them from. I saved them from the earthquake, tornadoes, hurricanes. I've used my energies to divert those things."

Well alrighty then...

Prince Mongo does live like a prince here on Earth, owning homes in Virginia beach, a million dollar mansion in Ft. Lauderdale, and "The Castle" in Memphis, TN (pictured left). He's well known for owning several bars and nice pieces of real estate in the Memphis area, but he's notorious for getting into trouble for serving alcohol to minors, run-ins with the courts and his neighbors, and for campaigning for office every couple years or so - only to lose by a great margin.

As far as the allegations of underaged drinking in his establishments, he denies all of them. "I have never been charged with a beer board violation," he insists. "I have never even held a liquor license in my name."

His neighbors haven't been too pleased with having an alien prince next door. He's had numerous wars with Tennessee neighbors over what he called "art" in his yards. Once, he was jailed for dumping trash in the yard of one of his enemies. Prince Mongo is an artist, and the art he's displayed on his front yards have consisted of: coffins, 50 toilet bowls, mannequins, and beach umbrellas.

Often times, he'll put Christmas trees up outside the front of his house in February or March. "My Christmas doesn't begin like y'all's. Christmas changes for me depending on the moon and the energy lines. This year, it's in February."

He made national news when he made a court appearance for such violations wearing green body paint, a green cape, weilding goggles, and a rubber chicken. The judge ordered him to wear normal clothing, and Prince Mongo refused, as was jailed for 10 days and fined $13,875.

Prince Mongo is also known for running for every political office in Memphis. He hasn't come close to winning yet, but he is not deterred and keeps working to get elected.

People call Prince Mongo crazy or eccentric. He believes he's just misunderstood. How can you call a guy that stands on his roof and howls at the moon, walks an invisible dog, and never ever wears shoes (even in the snow) crazy? Prince Mongo says, "I've got better things to do than listen to these dumbbells and these Hitlers who run up and down this street trying to destroy me. These people will be the first ones to be destroyed."

Sounds like a threat to me.

So what is on the horizon for Prince Mongo? Will he fly off to Zambodia anytime soon? It doesn't seem so. Other than using his powerful energies to save us from natural disasters (he must've been off skiing when Hurricane Katrina hit), Prince Mongo has other plans:

"I'm about to start a Zambodian Planetology Church. It will be a very interesting church."

Here are just a few funny quotes from the Prince of Zambodia himself:

"Mannequins continuously bring me information from my planet."
"I don't need money. I live off the stars and the earth and the energy of the sun."
"You ever have sardines and eggs? They're good."
"When I hit Earth, I fragmentized and went all over the world. I then began assembling myself and still am."
"I don't care. I'll give anything away. People are always walking off with my TVs. I don't mind. I have a terrible phobia about throwing things away. Why throw things away when you can give it away?"

And my favorite Prince Mongo quote of all:

"There's great power in my hair; it helps protect me from demons trying to get near me."


Jim said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Big Pissy said...

Oh good. A new church for Tom Cruise to join.

What a fruitcake!

Bruce said...

I visited Zambodia once; it's really not that bad. It kinda reminds me of Virginia Beach.

Sherri said...

Yikes! I hate to say it, but it frightens me to know there are people out there living amongst us that are this weird.

FantasticAlice said...

Hey, Prince Mongo and The Psycho-#(@&!% would get along great!

Bruce, you are such a smart ass!

Metal Mark said...

I knew some people in college who I thought were from another planet, but they never actually confessed to it. I guess they were just weird.

the weirdgirl said...

I can't hear the name Mongo without thinking of the character from Blazing Saddles... "Aw, Mongo straight."

This is the kind of guy who is almost too good to be true. What inspiration for all the writers out there!

Laura:) said...

Is he the one who inspired "Mango" on SNL?

He seems cool to me.

siren said...

"When I hit Earth, I fragmentized and went all over the world. I then began assembling myself and still am."

Clearly, he has not located his brain yet.

KC said...

And I truly thought my next door neighbor was crazy. I'm really glad I don't live next door to Mongo.

My neighbor howls; dances; curses; sings; and yells at passing cars. Do I feel sorry for him? No. He's too mean to feel sorry for.

crallspace said...

Oh good. A new church for Tom Cruise to join.

What a cake!

james said...

Forget Tom Cruise, I wanna join his church!

And hey, while he's busy howling at the moon you can crank your stereo way up without fear of disturbing the neighbours - they're already disturbed!


David Amulet said...

I can vouch for Mongo's claim that his hair protects him from demons. Immediately after shaving my head years ago, I was possessed by demons who make me dress like Eric Draven, write smart-ass articles on a blog, and drink copious amounts of Guinness.

The doctors won't help me; they just say I need to get some exorcise.

-- david

The Phoenix said...

According to Mongo, on his homeplanet of Zambodia, elevator music has been replaced by thrash metal played at maximum volume.

Why would anyone NOT want to go back home just for that fact?

kim said...

This was a brilliant thing to read first thing on a gloomy Saturday morning! I can't WAIT till he unveils his church!

:P fuzzbox said...

If the mannequins that give him is in a Victoria's Secret window then he can sign me up as an information gatherer.

Jim said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Ben Heller said...

"I don't need money. I live off the stars and the earth and the energy of the sun."

Our very first Galaxy Pimp

Jamie Dawn said...

Well, he says he doesn't need money.
The good news about his church is he won't be passing the offering plate.
The bad news is that in order to join the church you have to stay in his front yard as "art" for two solid weeks and use the toilet bowls on the lawn whenever nature calls.

Jamie Dawn said...

Zambodia sounds like an African country.
Couldn't he come up with a better name than that?
And he calls himself an artist!

Reiki said...

He doesn't appear to be a danger to others & if his actions are just unusual and not harming anyone, people should just leave him alone.

Keshi said...

Prince Mongo or Prince Loco? lol!


The Phoenix said...

The guy hauls a refrigerated trailer filled with food he distributes to homeless people...the guy does some great things, despite his weirdness.

phred said...

Maybe he is harmless, I don`t know.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

As long as he's not hurting anyone, I say let him be whoever he wants, from wherever he wants to be from.

(But I'm kinda glad the guy doesn't live anywhere near me, know what I mean???" :)

angel, jr. said...

Wow! That's all I can say right now.

Dirk the Feeble said...

I wonder if he's actually nuts, or if he's putting on an elaborate show.

And seriously, how does he get all that stuff without having, you know, a job or something?

cube said...

Apparently, Mongo is short for Mongoloid.

Kid Jacque said...

Holy crap.

Anonymous said...

I met Prince Mongo 12 years ago...back then sported wore a black, curly afro wig. I thought he was from the planet Zoltar, but who can remember these things. It is not hard to imagine where he made his $, he is the original hustler....

Fire Starr said...

From someone who had known of and met him many times over the years ... I was finally his neighbor on Main St. in Memphis. He is wonderfully intelligent and fun to be around.

Anonymous said...

When I lived in Memphis in the 90's Mongo was our source of spritiual guidance in the Central Garden district. He visited us quiet regularly at Burk-hall Paint co. on Union Ave (now gone). We always loved to have Mongo come in and bless the store. Unless you know Mongo as I do. Don' knock him.

Anonymous said...

I used to go to Mongo's club on Front St. It was the best club in memphis... beer bust for 5$ all you could drink. I loved that place, though they definately do serve alcohol to minors!

Anonymous said...

I think you guys are all jealous. haah. I actually know mongo and he's really nice. Im going to Destin with him over this spring break. HE IS AN ARTIST.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I have watched his videos on myspace, I believe he is acting, it's fun for him, let him do it. Besides helping the homeless, he dontates to and helps St. Judes, that's more than I can say for at least 50% of Memphis.

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