Thursday, February 16, 2006

The Abduction of Bob, Part III

Is Bob mentally deranged, or is he telling us a true story? Was Bob really abducted by beings from another planet?

Going over my notes and recordings, Bob's story does seem to hit many of the classic 'alien abduction' characteristics:
1) Unexplained missing time (Bob left at 1:30 AM, but returned at 6 AM)
2) UFO sighting
3) Electric or mechanical equipment failure (his truck)
4) Examination by aliens, centering around physiology and sexual organs (anal probe)
5) Reproductive procedure (Bob being tricked into impregnating whom he thought was Pamela Anderson)

In a Psychology Today recent poll, as many as 3 million Americans believe they have had such encounters with aliens. So are all of these people, including Bob, psychotic?

I really don't know. Regardless of whether or not Bob was abudcted by aliens, the experience has changed him for life. He is afraid to drive alone on a road he has traveled for over 30 years, he cannot sleep, and he stocks boxes and boxes of Preparation-H. When Baywatch comes on, the man shrieks like a girl and hides behind his sofa (I have that same reaction when watching David Hasselhoff sing).

Here are some pictures I took while on my trip:

This is pretty much all I saw while on the road for hours to Bob's location. Highway Hypnosis is quite a real phenomenon.

Here is the Slurpee I bought on the road. It was yummy. Damn that brainfreeze.

Bob took me to the site of his alien encounter. Here he is standing by the field where he estimates the triangular UFO hovered over. I didn't notice it at first, but there is something in the background of this photo. I didn't want Bob to panic, so I didn't tell him a UFO was flying up in the sky behind him. Was that evil of me?

Don't turn around, Bob, don't turn around!

Bob made three drawings for me. Here's two of them. The top one is of an alien face and the probe "The Doctor" used on him. The bottom one is...well, just look for yourself.

I don't know how much of the 3 feet went into Bob's anus, and I did not want to know. Notice the semi-anatomical correctness of the "Pamela Anderson" alien in the second picture.

I found this in Bob's garage. I don't think it's just a fern. Hmmmm...

This might explain a lot.

Here's the interior of Bob's old truck. It smelled of rotten bananas just like he said. No signs of any "wacky tabbacky" or hookah.

He needs one of those Yankee Candle smell good thing-a-ma-bobs to hang on the rear view mirror. Either that or he needs Beano.

After the interview, I went back to where Bob showed me he first encountered the "flying grilled cheese sandwich." When wading through the tall grass, I spotted something in the air. At first, I thought it was a helicopter or something. I snapped a few pictures, and this is the best one of the lot. Is this the spaceship looking for more human subjects?

I think it's the same UFO I caught on camera when Bob was posing for me earlier in the day. It reminds me of Space Ghost's ship, "The Phantom Cruiser."

I drove into town and had lunch. During the three mile drive, I noticed this blue sedan following me. I had first noticed this car near Bob's house when I first arrived. They followed me to the diner and just sat there. They eventually got out and went to an antique store a couple buildings away. I ran out and snapped this picture. Who are these guys?

Either they are the notorious Men in Black, or they're just "life partners" going antiquing. Am I getting paranoid?

After lunch, I decided to go back once again to the spot Bob saw the UFO and where I had just taken a pic of one myself an hour ago. I saw the blue sedan on the shoulder, so I parked far away and went on foot. Hiding behind a grassy knoll, I was able to snap a couple shots of the guys doing their own investigation.

At this point I'm very sure they're government Men in Black doing their own investigation. Very spooky.

Maybe 10 minutes passed, and the MIB were still examining the area when I heard the sounds of jets overhead. They were flying low and at incredible speeds. The two MIB were also looking up, and one of them was talking into a cell phone. The two jets weren't just doing any sort of patrol - they were trying to intercept something. I took a few pictures, hoping to catch what they were chasing.

You think they were trying to intercept the UFO I had seen twice that day already???

This was a very fascinating experience, and although I'm still on the fence about Bob and his story...something strange is definitely going on over there. Bob has only told a handful of his friends about his experience, and I am grateful to have been able to share with you his story.

Bob, my thanks to you, and I wish you the very best. And I'm serious about the Beano.


:P fuzzbox said...

Bob isn't much of an artist. But I guess a guys drawing skills would be rather messed up after a severe anal probing.

Jay said...

If it wasn't aliens...then what the hell was up his butt?

siren said...

What a great story. It sounds like something you'd see on the Sci Fi network...or with the Bob/alien love story, maybe Lifetime?

Jim said...

very nicely documented, you just might be a Norman Einstein

DaBich said...

Take it to a publisher ;)

The Phoenix said...

Fuzz, Not an artist indeed. From the Pamela Anderson rendition, it's obvious what got his attention.

Miss Jay, hemorroids?

Siren, A tragic lovestory...if not Lifetime, maybe the Oxygen channel.

Jim, Thanks Jim. Maybe I've got a few brain cells left.

Dabich, Bob has those rights to his story. Maybe it's a tale best told by the man himself.

Sherri said...

Oh, the sedan creaps me out!! That was excellent!

Have you spotted the sedan at all since the day of the interview?

angel, jr. said...

Is there a correlation between drawing skills and excessive gas?

Denny Shane said...

Phoenix, this has been a riveting series. Before this I was a non-believer... now however, I have become a true believer in UFO's.

So moved I was, that I sent your story, without your knowledge, to Ripley's Believe It or Not... they were ummm astounted to say the least and have forwarded it to their sister show: Rikey's I Don't Believe It.

I am sure you will be hearing from them soon. And remember, who put you on your pathway to stardom.

LostInTX said...

I still say it's bananas and drugs but something strong than look-alike fern. But good story nonetheless! It was entertaining.

As for the sedan a lot of retired couples drive those huge things for some gawd-awful reason... besides, MIB had dark, tinted windows.

Ben Heller said...

Woah.....and I thought these UFO spotters were all crazy cranks, but after that story and the sedan incident, well it's gotta be true.

Mojotek said...

Thank goodness he put his trust in you! There's no way anyone will find out it was him that this happened too!

The Phoenix said...

Sherri,The blue sedan followed me an hour out of town. I was pretty freaked out.

Angel Jr., I would have to say "yes."

Denny, They've already called and they want to film an episode. Maybe you could be in it? You can do the probing.

Senorita in TX, You called it. Those weren't just ordinary bananas he ate. They were laced with some hallucinogenic.

Ben and Mojotek, Yes. I had the same prejudice against abductees prior to doing this interview. I hope I covered enough of Bob's face, though...hmmm.

KC said...

You've got to be careful. Those aliens are probably looking for you right now because you know what they did to Bob. You're next, my friend!

The Phoenix said...

I'm wearing alien-proof boxers, lined with anti-alien thought control material. PLUS a male chastity belt. Ha! I'm too smart for those dastardly aliens. They won't be able to unlock my harness since I destroyed the key.

Why oh why did God make me so smart?

delmer said...

Interesting ...

Kid Jacque said...

Interesting indeed....

BuffyICS said...

Why do aliens with obviously highly advanced space technology have to resort to anal probing? Great story, I'll be keeping a lookout for those flying grilled cheese sandwhiches.

the weirdgirl said...

This was great! Phoenix, seriously I think you should collect these stories along with your commentary and put them in a book. I'd buy it!

That wasn't the same grilled cheese sandwich with the face of Jesus on it, was it?

Sar said...

I think I just gave my cat a heart attack when I burst out laughing at "Don't Turn around Bob!". This was a fun series, Phoenix.

(btw, you know you posted this at 8:47! I know, I know...)

Jamie Dawn said...

That "fern" changes everything.
If it wasn't for your indepth investigative reporting, I would have thought that Bob just had a wild, drug induced fantasy. Those pics of the UFO in the sky made a believer out of me.
I'm just glad you lived to share this with us.

at the Lake said...

don't underestimate the Aliens, especially the B****s

Laura:) said...

I believe with that X-Files episode where it is really just the government doing experiments.

Karen said...

Great story! After this third episode, I'm a believer!

Jamie Dawn said...

Does Beano really work?
I figured you might know from personal experience, you know, being a scientist and all.

Anhoni Patel said...

Phoenix, when do you have the time to do this??

And why does Bob stock "Preparation-H"??

Beano works.

LBseahag said... Bob single?

Jillian said...

LOL about the Beano, however a VERY nice ending to a good bedtime story. ;-) Well, not so much STORY as I want to thank you for the experience, really.

Well, not your experience but you get the picture ha ha.

Hope your weekend was good Phoenix (however close it is to being

The Phoenix said...

delmer and day dreamer...hmmmm...I agree.

buffy and weirdgirl, watch out for those flying grilled cheese sandwiches. If you find one with Jesus on it, keep it and auction it off on Ebay.

Sar, Thanks. I didn't want to cause him anymore stress.

jamie dawn, at the lake, and karen, That's right - the threat is very real.

laura, Good point. I'll consider that.

anhoni, I was gone for more than a week to do this interview. I wanted to focus on this one man's story.

Ibseahag, No. But if his wife reads this, he probably will be.

Jillian, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Pixie said...

Wow, nice story P loved the pics, maybe there was something in it with the metal detector guys out there too.

Btw when you said Beano I thought you meant the Beano childerens comic ( Dennis the menace etc) Heh

The Phoenix said...

I've never tried Beano, nor do I know anyone that's taken it.

Maybe I should do a Beano experiment/trial of my own.

Keshi said...

some cool pics u turned into a UFO Analyst in my absence? :)


The Phoenix said...

I am still going to always focus on science, but in a humorous light. But I'm also going to do more first-hand stuff. I'm going to get more personally involved with some of my stories.

I hope it'll be just as entertaining.

Rocky said...

I really enjoyed your Bob Trilogy, specifically the eyewitness drawings. The Pam Anderson stick figure was a hoot.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Excellent ending to an excellent story, Phoenix.

But whoa!! That anal probe was MUCH MUCH bigger than I thought it was going to be! Poor Bob will never be the same again! :)

Fuckkit said...

Where can I get me a probe like that?
For.. uh.. scientific purposes y'understand...

PDD said...

Shit, I love your blog! But I am affraid that I am going to have to read all this good stuff from home. At work, and haven't had a chance. Been real busy.

Nanoo, nanoo.

Eve said...

glad you're back, my dear...

phred said...

I think Bob is very brave to share his Anal Probing stories with us.

Dongley Shlongford said...

David Hasselhoff gets crazy tail.

The Phoenix said...

rocky, thanks buddy. I think you mean his drawing of her was a "hooters."

stacy, yeah - the thing was 3 feet. No further explanation necessary.

fuckkit, Go to any gay products website.

psychic, thanks so much. Live long and prosper.

NWG, thanks darlin'. I hear there a tons of aliens in Las Vegas...the illegal variety.

Phred, it took a brave soul to share his anal probing story. Just be glad he didn't re-enact it using pladoh figures.

Dongley, um...sure. Nice new profile pic, by the way.

Dirk the Feeble said...

I just have one question about all of this - is Bob's anus really considered a "sex organ"?

Keshi said...

good for ya mate :)


Mik said...

They say the truth is out there, I think it's the darn anal probes you got to watch for!

What is with aliens and arses? Don't they have some coll scanning devices?


BEAM ME UP! said...

Bob....You didn't even get dinner & a movie!!! Way to go man! From: Beam me Up!!!

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