Thursday, July 27, 2006

Let Me Hear Your ZetaTalk...

Here at The Phoenix, I have scoured the information highway to bring you some of the biggest freaks this planet has to offer. In my first year of blogging, I have brought you:

Prophet Yahweh, the UFO-whisperer.
John Locke, the inventor of headgear that prevents aliens from controlling your brain.
Les Knight, the founder of a group that advocates the extinction of the human race.
Prince Mongo, the millionare alien among us.
Sharon Tendler, the woman that married a dolphin.
Dr. Burda, the man that can telepathically cure you from afar.
Matt Feshbach, the scientologist that has developed superpowers.
and finally, Derek Ogilvie, the psychic that communicates with infants.

In this nut-job tradition, I now bring to your attention Nancy Lieder - the lieder (ahem) I mean leader of a cult called ZetaTalk. What is ZetaTalk exactly? Simply put, if you combined every single X-Files/Conspiracy Theory/Bunch of Hulabaloo idea out there and shoved it under one umbrella, that umbrella would be ZetaTalk.

But this umbrella is full of holes and will leave you wet. (OK, that really doesn't make sense).

Let's break this down further and begin with the Zetas. Who are they? Zetas are those little grey aliens with big heads and bug eyes. These aliens are capable of answering what's called The Call. Think ET phone home for humans. Apparently, there are humans that have the ability to telephathically link with Zetas and ask for help.

And help us they do! They will be there when there's a massive pole shift and our Earth undergoes dramatic climactic changes. Zetas visit us, communicated with us, and of course BREED with us. How nice.

Nanc of ZetaTalk originally called for the end of the world in 2003. A comet will pass, signalling the pole shift, many will die, others will be saved, aliens will come, and of course only the memebers of ZetaTalk inherit the Earth and live happily ever after. But 2003 came and went, and nothing happened. So of course, the cult had to edit it's prophecies. Geez - talk about a bunch of amateurs. Don't they know cults should keep their prophecies open-ended and ambigious? But no, now they say it will happen in 2011.

The amount of crackpot theories surrounding this cult is just way too much to even begin to mention. But you get the point. Nancy is clearly insane. She insists she is not, and she and her group are constantly having to defend their beliefs. Nancy has also admitted to killer her own dog back in 2003 in order to spare it the wrath of the Earth's climatic shifts.

Yeah...she's not insane in the membrane, huh?

What intrigues me is The Call business. I want to learn how to contact a Zeta. Here's what the ZetaTalk website says: When giving The Call to aliens, humans are issuing a request for contact, without a voice, without words, but the meaning is sent and understood nonetheless, by telepathic and other such wordless and wireless means. The Call is made, received, and understood, and a conference is subsequently arranged.

So, does that mean I make The Call collect? Or do I get rollover minutes?

On second thought, it doesn't even matter. When it comes to Nancy Lieder and her ZetaTalk, I think her line is disconnected.


David Amulet said...

Phoenix, good to see you back online, I was started to get worried.

I'm also beginning to get concerned about your uncanny ability to locate all these nutjobs. I think I'm starting to see how ... you've hid it for so long ... YOU'RE ACTUALLY A ZETA!!

Come on, just admit it. No, not here via your comments--you can just send me a psychic message to confirm. Thanks.


The Phoenix said...


Hold on, I'm getting another Call.

I'm so glad I got Call Waiting.

Cari said...

Second u on that phoenix

Thanks for all the great reads by the way...:}

ozymandiaz said...

That is the sign of a poorly constructed scenario psyche. If it had been me and my predictions were, lets say "proven" wrong by circumstances (although mine never are wrong) I would come up with something like...
The event actually did happen and only Zeta talkers did survive which proves how prolific Zeta talkers actually are being we are all still here. Yes, you are a Zeta talker and didn't even know it.
We Zeta talkers saved the Earth from impending doom by contacting the Zetas who in turn altered the course of the comet and repaired our magnetic alignment. Of course these events were only postponed until 2011 (had to get the end of the world in before the predicted Aztec Calendar end of the world so we won't look like hacks).
The aforementioned incidents did occur and we are all now in an alternate reality that the cataclysmic events cast us into. We Zeta talkers are visiting to help with the transition and assist in guiding you to reason.

I was a really good cult leader back in the day when i believed people could actually aspire to my hightened level of understanding...

Curare_Z said...

I'm glad to hear that The Call is "telepathic and...wireless..."

Imagine how hard it would be to be telepathic but require a land line?!

Mimi said...

Missed you!

I am so shocked by the depth of this womans insanity I can think of nothing to say. Other than I wish she would fry for killing her dog.

OnMyWatch said...

too bad Zeta couldn't contact the dog and warm him ahead of time.

Nice story, especially the title, btw, thanks for sticking that song in my head. :)

hey! you ARE telepathic.

Sar said...

wait for it...

Sar said...

...did you get all that? I left my comment telepathically.

Can you hear me now?

Jenna Howard said...

What?!? You mean none of you are believers?

RedNeckGirl said...

Great title.....this woman is all kinds of crazy....people like this shouldn't be allowed to breed or own animals.

the weirdgirl said...

I can't believe someone like this is still running around loose! I mean, if you want to believe in aliens that's one thing... if you're going to be killing dogs I'm pretty sure that's a crime.

Well... it is in this state.

Carae said...

Perhaps Tom Cruise has been ZetaTalking and given Suri to the Zetas until 2011.

Just a theory.

Bruce said...

OK, she incurred my wrath after reading that she killed her dog. Insane is being too kind, I think.

BTW, great to have you back.

angel, jr. said...

I wonder if you can buy the intergalactic calling cards--you know to save a few bucks when calling outerspace.
And if we make more than ten calls, is there some sort of bonus minutes that we get?
By the way, where have you been? I assumed that you were out doing some "research".

KC said...

Ozymandiaz has it right! She didn't think this through well enough. I'm glad that "O" did it for us in his comment.

Why don't the Zeta's punish Ms. Lieder for killing her dog? Don't Zeta's love animals?

Tai said...

Yeah, 'cus those aliens have nothing better to do with their time that hang around and wait for telepathetic...oops, I mean 'telepathic' messages from self absorbed, delusional humans.

Tsk tsk tsk.
Doesn't whatsherface know that she's been put on permanent 'hold'?

Fated said...

Yay a new post!

Wow the world is full of dingbats. You know what the Zeta's need? They need a celebrity to endorse them. Think of what Tom Cruise and John Travolta did for Scientology.

Who could help Zeta? Maybe Brittney Spears?

Oooh. Word verification, thats new.

cube said...

Please don't take me to your Lieder. Yikes, what a nut.

phred said...

Her light is on ... but... nobody is home.

vani said...

zeta looks like an alien....yeah, she prolly has some connection to the ugly and disturbed.

Grafs said...

Hmmm...I thought this was going to be a post about Zeta-Jones. Hot! :)

Jamie Dawn said...

I just communicated a few choice words telepathically to the Zetas.
I then felt a sharp pain in my left arm pit followed by a tingling sensation in my right ear.
Don't knock it, Phoenix.
I'm a believer now.
Just look towards the light, my friend.

:P fuzzbox said...

I just get muzak on my telepathic calls.

DaBich said...

Poor dog. Someone put her out of her misery, too. See how SHE likes it.
Freakin looneys!

O Ceallaigh said...

Oh man, Phoenix, this is rich.

I mean, hey, I'm a ZetaTalker! I talk to them every night! In Greek, no less. Zzzzzzzzzzz....

little grey aliens with big heads and bug eyes

Steven Spielberg has a LOT to answer for ...

A comet will pass

Gee, wonder how come these Zetatalkers couldn't clue in Ms Nancy that the professional and amateur astronomers have catalogued practically every speck of dust in the Solar System and would have at least 18 months warning of any close comet approach (as if any one would have the mass or energy to affect the planet's magnetic field - sheesh).

Don't they know cults should keep their prophecies open-ended and ambigious?

Hey, there's precedent. Jonah's prophecies didn't come off either. You suppose Ms Nancy told off the Zetas the way Jonah dissed Yahweh?

Wonder if someone could arrange for these Lieder to be performed at Sing Sing.


Michelle said...

Great to see you back! My friend "Zeta" will be glad to hear she has family ;o)

Rocky said...

I thought my call from ZETA came the other day when I picked up a Campbells Soup can with a string attached to it. But it just ended up being a neighbor kid.

Phats said...

ha interesting post you got here phoenix

I was just glad to not see my name among your finds of freaks

Jon Cox said...

GREAT post!!! Really makes me think.

Laurie said...

Where oh where do you find these loonies?? LOL

I love your blog.. but you know that already :-)

Kid Jacque said...

Ahhhh Zeta Talk -- I remember hearing this chick yap about this on Coast To Coast AM.

She is a whacko...

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