Monday, September 3, 2007

John Titor - Time Traveler, Or Crazy-Ass?

In the two years that I've been bringing you this blog, I have enjoyed bringing you stories about some real loonies out there. Here are just a few members of the Phoenix's Hall of Crazies:

Prophet Yahweh, the UFO-whisperer.
John Locke, the inventor of headgear that prevents aliens from controlling your brain.
Les Knight, the founder of a group that advocates the extinction of the human race.
Prince Mongo, the millionare alien among us.
Sharon Tendler, the woman that married a dolphin.
Dr. Burda, the man that can telepathically cure you from afar.
Matt Feshbach, the scientologist that has developed superpowers.
Derek Ogilvie, the psychic that communicates with infants.
and Nancy Lieder, the cult leader of ZetaTalk.

I have yet one more to add to the crazy bin: John Titor

The story begins with some posts on a time traveling message board on November 2, 2000. Eventually, this mystery person with seemingly intimate knowledge of how a time machine works called himself John Titor. His posts finally ended on March of 2001. Since then, many of his "followers" have collected all of his posts and put them together into one crazy-ass pile of crap.

John Titor claimed to be a US solider from the year 2036 (snicker). His mission was to travel back in time to 1975 and bring back an IBM 5100 - one of the first portable computers ever made. Why do you ask? It seems there's some sort of error involved with the programming that eventually leads to a timeout error in 2038. I'm not a computer geek, but is traveling back in time really the easiest way to fix this problem???

How did John Titor travel in time? Easy...with a time machine, duh! In one of his posts, he described his time machine as being a "stationary mass, temporal displacement unit powered by two top-spin, dual positive singularities", producing a "standard off-set Tipler sinusoid." He must've been inspired by all the Back to the Future movies, since his machine was first installed inside a Corvette, and then later a pickup truck. On the left is an actual picture of his time machine already placed inside a Corvette.

Titor also gave several "predictions" in his posts:

He said America would be plunged into a real Civil War in 2004. Um...ok.

He said that CERN (the world's largest physics lab) would discover the fundamental basis for time travel in 2001. Oops. That didn't happen.

He also said that the 2004 Olympics would be the last one to ever be held. Yikes. Anyone remember Finland defeating Canada for the hocky gold last year? (2006 Winter Olympics).
Another topic John Titor posted about were the large quantities of nuclear weapons in Iraq. Darn! So much for that one.

Like all crackpots, there are always followers. Although John Titor went back to the future, there are some suckers...ahem...I mean...believers. And of course all the money-making schemes follow, such as books, newsletters, and of course T-shirts. There's even talk of some goofy movie inspired by this crap. Check out a little trailer HERE. And of course, there's a John Titor song HERE.

It's hard to imagine people actually fall for this stuff, but people are so desperate for the answers. But the John Titor story isn't compelling enough for me to even begin to take any of it seriously. In fact, I believe there are some fictional time travelers that I find more real. Here are my top three:

Number Three: Doc, from Back to the Future - Flux capacitor equipped Delorean.

Number Two: Bill & Ted, from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure - Telephone booth, a la TARDIS

My Favorite Time Traverler: Ash, from Army of Darkness - Time vortex with his Oldmobile

In an age of a time of evil...when the world needed a hero...what it got...was him.


Phats said...

Hi Phoenix!
I hope he's wrong about the olympics I love the olympics well the summer games not the winter ones so much.
I am glad I didn't make your list :)

Have a good one.

Jennifer said...

I wonder if he likes Coco Puffs?

Jenna Howard said...

Don't mention that Finland vs Canada game to me.

Wait...he travelled from 2036 because of a problem in 2038? How does he know about the problem in 2038? Oh wait...he travelled forward first in anticipating this right?

I love Ash. "Good. Bad. I'm the one with the gun."

BrianAlt said...

If this were real and he was really a soldier, do you think he would have posted it on a message board. You're damn right he wouldn't!

Sherri said...

I wonder if he's at all embarrassed at the fact that all of his predictions failed to come true. Yikes!

Mike said...

Here's why I think your three examples are better than John Titor:

3. At least Doc Brown finally made something that worked!

2. Bill & Ted aligned the planets and found some totally hot babes.

1. Ash must have been speaking to John Titor when he said: "Don't touch that please, your primitive intellect wouldn't understand things with alloys and compositions and things with... molecular structures."

the weirdgirl said...

Actually, I think having a following would be really cool. I want to be a crackpot! OK, crazy theories... oh, I know!

Bruce Campbell is GOD!

(because he is)

angel, jr. said...

Bill and Ted's was the best way to travel.

Jennifer said...

Dude, drop me an e-mail eh? I got something in my inbox you may like to see, I'd love for you to debunk or prove something. Cause you're all scientificky and shit.

Jamie Dawn said...

Remember the time travelling attempt by Napoleon Dynamite?? FUNNY!!
John Titor gets my vote for crazy arse, NOT a time traveler.
Those other loons you reminded us of are all whackos without any hope for normalcy.

Keshi said...

time travel!


Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

I loved that movie With Ash...isn't his name Campbell or something like that?

And you have GOT to be kidding me about Les Knight.....the extinction of the human race? What a nut job.

KC said...

Ahhh, but the world would be a much more boring place without a few crazies to laugh at.

Dan said...

There is such a thing as time travel. Right here on Blogger! You can date your posts way in the future. Isn't that proof enough??

Mimi said...

So he went back to the future? Hmmm, I wonder where exactly that is?

DaBich said...

Hey Doc rocks! He's no wacko even tho is hair is wild and crazy and stuff ;)

mojotek said...

Isn't John Locke on "Lost" too?

Anyway... who says he wasn't just trying to mislead us when he talked about what would happen in the future? What if the act of him traveling back in time actually KEPT all those events from happening?

I guess we'll all know in 2036.

goldennib said...

I think I met that guy, John Titor, once in a bar in 1978. He said Disco would last forever.

cube said...

I hate temporal mechanics!

Orhan Kahn said...

You know, it is sad to admit, but I did believe the John Titor story for a minute there, many years ago. And I believe everyone does, if only for a short moment.

Mr. Shife said...

Wow it is hard to believe that people have such a void in their life that they fall for this crap. But I am glad you posted your wacko hall of fame because now I know why Sharon has not been returning my phone calls.

Tim said...

Time travel is not all that its cracked up to be; and it hurts too!

Pixie said...

I bet he keeps a low profile nowadays.

goldennib said...

Are you game? Please play with me.

Jay said...

You do have a nack for finding the bestest heroes.

Paul Levinson said...

Here's an exchange with someone claiming to be John Titor from last year ...

Anonymous said...

its me im back one of our peace loving time travelers came back after i left and help undo all the events i fortold of but i just droped by in 2008 to tell everyone that i am on my way to 1996 to kill him at birth so disregard everything that hasent happend because it has

yudalaga said...

John Titor traveler from future? Oh wonderfull ! I love it! Don't worry John, I'm believe you !

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