Monday, August 31, 2009

Internet Addict? You Have a Place to Go

"Internet Addiction" might not be a recognized disorder by the American Psychiatric Association, but a new clinic recently opened - a clinic that helps people "unplug." If you, or someone you know, is addicted to getting online, they can go to The Heavensfield Retreat Center in Fall City, WA and enter their reStart program.

They've created a little quiz to self-diagnose yourself of this horrible addiction. I decided to take some liberties with their questions and infuse it with my own questionnaire. I take my inspiration from Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck if..." jokes.

You might be an internet addict if...

1) You dropped cable or dish service because YouTube is all you need.
2) You actually say L-O-L instead of laughing or I-D-K instead of saying "I don't know."

3) You've ended a relationship via Twitter, Facebook, a chatroom, or plain e-mail.
4) Everything in your garage, living room, and bedroom has been purchased from
craigslist
5) You have gotten into at least one argument at a Panera Bread over access to the outlet for your laptop.
6) You actually wish you could just press Ctrl, Alt, Delete in real life.
7) You can't program your VCR's clock, but you can set up a wireless network in your house.
8) You asked your lawn boy if he accepts Paypal.

9) You've actually set up a web page for your pet.


And finally, you might be addicted to the internet if...

10) You named your child "E-Bay."

By the way, to enter the clinic's reStart program will only set you back $14,500.

For half that, I will come to your house and kick your ass every time you turn on your computer.

For those with a real addiction to the internet, this program uses various successful methods in breaking that addition. The treatment focuses on the patient living real life, doing activities that don't include the internet. Internet use during treatment is a big no-no.

For more information on the reStart internet addiction recovery program, you can visit their website at: www.netaddictionrecovery.com

You can also check out their blog at www.netaddictionrecovery.com/blog.html

Or you can visit their Facebook page at http://www.netaddictionrecovery.com/social-network/facebook.html

Or you can visit their Twitter page at http://twitter.com/GetYourLifeBack

Or you can go their YouTube channel at http://www.youtube.com/user/netaddictionrecovery

So get online to learn more about reStart's internet addiction recovery.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Love At First...Ride? (Object of Her Desire Part Deux)

Last summer, I brought you a story about that crazy lady that married the Eiffel Tower, and afterwards legally changed her name to Mrs. Erika La Tour Eiffel. She suffers from Objectum-Sexual Disorder. And as you can tell from the name, it's a rare psychological disorder that makes you want to hump inanimate objects.

Okay, so I'm over-simplifying here. But that's really what it is.

So here's another strange case: meet 33 year-old Amy Wolfe of Pennsylvania. She's in love with an amusement park ride called 1001 Nachts. And she is going to marry it.

Ms. Wolfe has been in love with 1001 Nachts for over 10 years and has ridden it at least 3,000 times. The 80 ft. gondola ride that swings you up and down and all around like you're riding a giant pendulum has been the object of Ms. Wolfe's desire ever since she first rode him when she was 13 years old.

"I was instantly attracted to him sexually and mentally," Ms. Wolfe says - referring to the ride as "him." "I love him as much as women love their husbands and know we'll be together forever."

Forever? Well...maybe until the state inspectors declare "him" unsafe for riding.

Ms. Wolfe currently lives 160 miles away from Knoebels Amusement Park where her soul mate is stationed. So in the meantime, she keeps a picture of 1001 Nachts taped to her ceiling above her bed (ewwww).

She also keeps 1001 Nachts' spare bolts and nuts in her pocket.  Seriously.

Amy plans on changing her last name to Weber, the manufacturer of the 1001 Nachts. And when asked what she sees in the amusement park ride, she replied:

"He's so noble, so proud, so strong. I love him as a mate. I love him for the elegant lines of his gondola."

Good grief.

I have one question for Amy Wolfe, soon-to-be Amy Weber...does she get jealous when other people ride "him?"



Monday, August 17, 2009

Facebook Put You In The Doghouse

I like Facebook. It's been a fun way to reconnect with old friends, and stay in touch with current ones. We all post pics of our families, and keep up with the day-to-day and sometimes extraordinary events in our lives.
But a recent study has shown that Facebook has become another outlet for romantic couples to become jealous of one another. The biggest social network can actually ignite the flames of jealousy in otherwise happy relationships.

Amy Muise oft the psychology department at the University of Guelph, Ontario and her collegues have been studying various psychological/social aspects of Facebook for the past several months. She's found that "Facebook is creating jealousy even where there was not jealousy to begin with. Part of the issue with information on Facebook is that it lacks certain context, so there could be things posted on your partner's wall that you really don't know what it means."
A study on Facebook? Leave it to those crazy Canadians.
These conclusions are based on a survey of over 300 college students. Here's how the circle of jealousy works: Your boyfriend posts something to begin the spark. Maybe it's a suspicious post. Or it's a picture of him with another girl. At first, you dismiss it as being non-threatening. "Maybe the other girl is just a friend or a cousin," you say to yourself. Regardless, you begin to monitor your signifcant other's Facebook page, looking for incriminating evidence. Soon, you find yourself burning and consumed with pure jealousy.

Let's face it - your partner gets tagged in some old photo with an ex-flame...it does set something off in your brain. And most of us will become detectives to see if there are other damning pics. Or what if your partner changes their status to "single" or "complicated?" Oh brother...that's just asking for trouble.

"You're exposed to more information," Muise added. "And you can also monitor your partner's activities very easily and without being detected, because they don't know how many times a day you're looking on their Facebook page unless you communicate that with them."

So if you AND your signifcant other is on Facebook, just be careful. Facebook is not to blame - it just makes it easier to gather information. The study is flawed in my opinion since 75% of those surveyed were women. Even this study showed that men were more likely to just not look at their girlfriend's Facebook page.

My fellow dudes on Facebook - just be careful. Know that your woman is tracking your ass. You can talk to that hot ex, just don't send her any "virtual gifts" and do NOT even think about touching her Twitter.

Friday, August 14, 2009

The Phoenix Rises...Again, One More Time?

I miss writing.

Life has been rough in 2009. I had yet another brush with death in late April/early May. Yet for some reason, I just will not die. Maybe I'm taking this Phoenix-thing a little to literally.

Funny how life is stranger than fiction.

I think it's time to write again.