Friday, December 30, 2011

2012 Predictions

I returned to blogging this year after a pretty long hiatus, and decided to go with a clean slate. As I look back at 2011, I have to say that I didn't realize how much I missed posting to the blogosphere until I got back into the grove of doing it. As much as I love writing, I absolutely enjoy reading everyone else's stuff. You all are just a hoot. So I thank you, not just for reading, but for writing posts that make me laugh, think, get angry, and get to know you a little bit.

Now I will shift gears and look forward. As I gaze into my crystal ball, here is what I see for 2012:

The iPhone 5. Not only will it speak and answer your questions (from the mundane to the vital), but it will actually make decisions for you. The new iPhone 5 won't even wait for you to ask. It'll just tell you what to do. And if you don't comply, you will lose all of your iTunes music and contacts.

Amazon. This juggernaut will dominate how we buy books, and we will be inching even closer to ebook sales making up 50% of ALL trade book purchases. The Big 6 will continue to fight back by pushing ebook prices up to protect its paper sales. But they will lose, as readers will turn to smaller presses and self-published works.

Facebook. The internet version of crack will continue to screw around with its platform until no one can make sense of anything, thus everyone will switch over to Google Plus.

Ebooks. The quality of self-published books will continue to improve, and readers will be more willing to take chances on these brave pioneers. Although there will still be a lot of crap out there. Right now, I will put 60% of self pubbed stuff in the "crappy" category. In 2012, half of self-published books will be on equal footing with NY Times bestsellers.

Netflix. This company with the most stupid CEO in the universe will survive. Somehow. How much longer beyond 2012 is a crap-shoot. They keep making people angry, and that's not a way to run a business. I mean, I can only watch Troll Hunter so many times.

Justin Bieber. He will completely overhaul his image, starting with the hair. He don a big mohawk, followed by all kinds of tattoos, wearing leather with spikes on it, and singing a new kind of heavy-metal/grunge fusion. And a new doll will come out to help perpetuate this new image.

A&E. They will come out with a new show titled: Beyond Ice Road Hoggers and Hoarders That Pick Storage Pawn Parking Intervention Wars. And it will be a big hit! The Discovery Channel will fight back with Surviving the American Dirty Logging Chopper Guns vs Wild Mythbusters.

Young Adult Paranormal Romance. This genre will continue to evolve and solidify, but readers will tire of vampires, werewolves, fall angels, and demons. We will see more dystopia - more edgy stuff that will be sure to challenge young readers more.

Young Adult Readers. Oh, and with Kindles getting so cheap and in the hands of younger people, young adults will actually read more young adult literature than full grown adults. Meanwhile, adults will still venture into the YA world, hoping to relive the drama of their youth.

Dr. Oz. He will be the new Oprah. Dr. Phil, meanwhile, will challenge him to a battle in the Octagon with Suze Orman as referee.

The Apocalypse. Mayan Calender be damned! The end of the world will not come on December 21, 2012. December 22 will come and go, and Black Friday will still be dominated by the Early Birds with no sign of the End Times. Life will go on.

Just ask Justin Bieber...


21 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I think the Mayans just ran out of room on their calendar.
You're probably right on most of it. And I do hope NetFlix survives the stupidity.
I'm really glad I don't have a cell phone now, because losing all of my iTunes stuff would be tragic. (Up until I remembered I have everything backed up.)
Happy New Year!

The Desert Rocks said...

I think YOU are the hoot! Where did you find pictures that match your blog so perfectly? Did Dr. Oz model for you with Dr. Phil and Suzie Orman? Did you make Justin change his hair? Awesomely funny post Jay!

Jay Noel said...

Alex: I couldn't live without my iPhone. Yup. Apple has me hooked. Bad. Happy New Year!

Eve: I have my own staff of pic hunters! Thanks so much!

Miranda Hardy said...

Love your predictions! So glad I found your blog. You have a way of putting a smile on my face. Hope your new year is fabulous!

sonia said...

Funny about the Mayan calendar predictions. I mean, they couldn't keep writing their calendar forever, right? It had to end somewhere...

I would be glad if Bieber and Gaga just went away but then I'm just an old hippie when it comes down to it...

xoxo
-Sonia

Jay Noel said...

Miranda: I'm glad too, and I'm happy that I can make you smile. Happy New Year to you too.

Sonia: At least Gaga is a classically trained pianist. But her music gives me a headache too!

The Golden Eagle said...

I'm hoping that comes true about YA--Dystopian beats vamps and werewolves any day, though it has its own stereotypes and repeating themes.

Happy New Year!

Milo James Fowler said...

Great stuff! Your Facebook and Netflix quips had me laughing out loud. Happy 2012, dude.

Nick Hight said...

Great predictions, made me laugh. The ones about e-books and Amazon scare me a bit though. It's going to become a lot harder for authors to make money in the future.

Dafeenah said...

Ok now what are the next week's lottery numbers? Because seriously your predictions seem pretty on the mark other than netflix and A&E and that's only because I have no clue what either of them are lol.

Kelley said...

You're so funny. Thanks for the laugh!

Phats said...

First off Happy New Year!! I am glad you're back to blogging I enjoy your posts.

The Justin Bieber one was HILARIOUS!! I am on Google + are you? I don't know what I am doing though. I was waiting for your tennis predictions?? Novak dominates again? Fed wins another major? Nadal?

Aguilar Elliot said...

hahaha... funny ipone prediction. good stuff!

Jay Noel said...

Golden Eagle: I agree whole-heartedly!

Milo: Thanks! Happy New Year!

Nick: And Amazon will be raking in all the $$$

Dafeenah: It's one of my vices - reality TV shows that involve history.

Kelly: Thank you!

Phats: I'm thinking that Novak will dominate again, but Fed has one more major in him.

Aguilar: Thanks!

Matthew MacNish said...

Hah! This is beyond hilarious.

And I'm just stopping in from Alex's blog, and am now your newest follower, so:

Nice to meet you, Jay!

Jay Noel said...

Thanks Matthew. And how you found me illustrates my point exactly. The way we find new blogs has changed from just a couple of years ago. And for the better. Oh, and I'm follower 999!

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