It's Monday morning, and I'm not in a good mood. My traveling has been nuts the last few weeks, so I apologize for my lack of visiting. This weekend was crazy too. Got food poisoning or a stomach virus. Yeah, not fun at all. And this week is going to be busy.
So I'm not in a good mood. At all.
When I'm cranky, it seems everything bothers me. So today, I want to give you a quick list of things that seem to really get on my nerves lately.
1) People who don't use the left turn lane. Remember when the road was shut down for two months so they could build that turn lane for drivers to use instead of blocking traffic? So why can't drivers get the hell out of the main road and go to that convenient turn lane to go buy donuts or get their coffee addiction-on?
2) Bitchy Mothers. Dealt with a bitchy lady yesterday - someone I don't even know. A neighbor's sister with 98 children and one on the way. I know hormones can play havoc on your emotions, but for the love of Vishnu - then stop reproducing.
3) Snazzy dialog tags. I've blogged about this a couple times. And I've been helping a few writers break their habit of using them. But another "author" argued with me about this. Shrieked, muttered, growled, hissed, screeched, sassed, retorted, etc....all of these are shitty dialog tags. Dialog tags should be invisible. If you feel the need to use descriptive dialog tags, either your writing is poor or you're insecure about the strength of your prose and dialog. Using descriptive dialog tags is like putting $1000 rims on a Yugo.
4) Prequels. What's the deal? Look, I have a big ego too. Most writers do. But holy crap, must an author indulge and write stuff about characters they love so much, that there's a need to detour a series' main plot and go backwards? Look what happened with Star Wars Episode I. Almost every prequel I've read has been the Jar-Jar Binks of literature. Please...no more damn prequels.
5) Novellas. This goes hand in hand with prequels. Why write a novella spin-off? Look, I know you "killed your pretties" during the editing process and you're left with 10,000 - 20,000 words you've hacked. There's a reason why. Don't reshape and repackage that backstory crap into a spin-off novella. Again, it's pure indulgence. Go forward with your series' story and stop taking so many detours. It's annoying, and I've read so many "pure" readers' negative reviews on prequels. It's unsatisfying for them. Fellow writers and maybe a select few die-hards might appreciate it, but they're not your main audience (hopefully not).
6) Television. I don't watch TV that much these days. There are a few gems, but they are truly rare. Reality television sucks atomic donkey balls. So sick of it. Look, when "Celebrity Wife Swap" now has Melissa and Joan Rivers going to Alaska, and Bristol Palin taking over their shallow show that critiques what celebs wear on the red carpet, they're obviously out of ideas. These people are hardly celebrities, and they're not even wives. I'd rather watch an old Scooby Doo episode than any of the stuff on TV right now.
7) The weather. What is going on? I'm on the road a lot. And I've been stuck in tornadoes, floods, storms...last summer it was drought and heat. Seriously, the only things missing are the locusts and Death on a Pale Horse.
8) Justin Bieber. 'Nuff said.
9) Twitter. Everytime I get on Twitter, I'm entertained for maybe 30 seconds. Then I'm reminded why Twitter sucks. #tweetthisyoumutha$#@!
10) Hipsters. God I hate hipsters. You know, I don't care about how you dress, the music you like, or even your political views. I try to get along with everyone. What I hate about Hipsters is how they believe that they are above everyone else. And they're really a bunch of hypocrites. Hard to take a Hipster seriously talking about how greedy the 1% is when you're in your $500 jeans, holding your $600 iPad, talking on your $700 iPhone 5. Not to mention how you eat out all the time, until you start dating and all of a sudden you become gastrosexuals. You're part of the problem. Now go suck it.
Blogging since 2005.
Medical sales warrior by day, writing ninja by night...
I am the author of The Mechanica Wars series. The first book, Dragonfly Warrior, will be published in January, 2014 by 4 Wing Press.
I love science fiction, fantasy, literary fiction, biographies, and chocolate chip cookies.