Posting: The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Post your thoughts on your own blog.
I'm super-happy to finally be a part of the IWSG. It's been a long time coming, and I feel like I need to vent my fears BIG TIME and just put it out there.
My debut novel is set for a January 6th publication, and I'm terrified. My writing career has been a long, strange journey. It's strange to be on the precipice of such a huge landmark, and I think I've just gotten so accustomed to the struggle.
For about twelve years, I advised and edited other people's work. I was damn good at it (still am), and I enjoyed it. When I started blogging in 2005, it was my creative outlet. And my blog got HUGE, which led to a syndicated podcast attached to the blog. It was fun, but I felt unfulfilled. I yearned to write again.
So I did.
In 2011, my novel, Dragonfly Warrior, was my baby. And I threw it out into the world. I was in query hell. Then I had the opportunity to pitch to a publisher face to face. The result was a contract. But the publisher shut its doors in mid 2012.
|Steam-powered spider from Dragonfly Warrior!|
I was down, but not out. Another publisher knew of my manuscript and I received two contracts - one for Dragonfly Warrior and another for its sequel, Shadow Warrior. I was part of a great team of writers, and everything was looking great.
But the publisher was having financial issues, and I decided to jump ship. I got my rights back and I decided that no one was going to care about my work more than me. So I decided to go full-on indie.
So here I am, a little more than a month away from publishing Dragonfly Warrior (AGAIN), and what if people don't like it? What if it never finds its audience? What if it's not sci-fi enough? Fantasy enough? Steampunk enough?
I've had some writing friends suggest I have a book launch party, but I've decided not to. I'm not sure many people would show up. My friends and family are not into reading the kind of stuff that I write, and I don't want them to feel obligated to buy my book. Maybe if I had written something more mainstream...but I can't handle any more rejection at this point.
There are moments where I lay awake at night, wondering if I'm just delusional. Maybe I should just go back to editing. Hide behind another person's work and share in their joy and triumph instead. Life was so much easier!
At this point, I have no choice but to leave my comfort zone. Hopefully it will be worth it. But I guess even if I fall flat on my face, and I'm a big fat FAILURE, I don't see myself just giving up. Maybe I'm too stubborn.